With these feelings of mine I tend to sing the following:
In these promises broken, deep below.
Each word gets lost in the echo.
So one last lie, I can see through.
This time I finally let you, go.
If I could describe what life is about in a single word, it is elusive.
Maybe you don’t think about what your life is about very much, perhaps there are some of you who are constantly thinking about what life is about and have found your place in this world, or there are those of you are that in-between.
Today I want to share with you, some of the things I have seen in my life thus far.
I saw my best friend die, and I have been close to her bereaved. I have met many who show they are happy when deep down they are very sad and have been that way for a long time. I have worked very closely with people who I admire and aim to be more like, yet in their smile is a hidden pain because they are in a relationship with a very difficult and unstable man. I know people who have been betrayed, judged and misunderstood because they are trying to be a better person. I know people who had developed both mental and physical health problems because they have had trouble with difficult family members whilst dealing with the troubles of taking care of her chronically ill loved one. I have seen somebody transform into an amazing and forebearing individual as he patiently and kindly awaits his wife’s return, speaking of her good and what he misses of her. I know a boy who has as a child had to deal with an abusive parent for reasons he could not understand and as an adult is lost on how to fix his childhood. I know a mother who helplessly watched her sons abuse and eventually left home as soon as she could with the rest of her younger children because of an experience she titles “the worst night of her life”. I know even younger boys, beautiful boys who have been abused by their mother because she was not mentally stable, and the father had to keep a record of such abuse to keep her away from their children. I know people who have either wanted to commit suicide or have actually tried to commit suicide because everywhere she walked down, she was called names for her size, despite being that way due to a life threatening illness and as for the latter she was in a relationship with a manipulative mad-man. I have also learnt that it doesn’t take living in this world for decades to have experienced these things. You can even be as young as 5 years old.
I had a chat on the first day of Ramadhan with a good friend of mine about this life… She told me, this life is so hard. For nothing comes easily. Even when it comes down to fulfilling everyday tasks such as getting up in the morning to wake up our kids and get them ready for school whilst not sleeping very much because of the baby who keeps waking up every few hours, walking out on a hot day when you are fasting, becoming bloated because you ate too much or ate something your stomach couldn’t handle, not being persistent in our studies because we lose motivation and the will to keep-going, feeling uneasy because somebody told you something that maybe he or she perhaps shouldn’t have had, and even if these things are small it does have a huge impact on us. Because we are human, and we find it very difficult sometimes not to care and be troubled by such things.
We are facing difficulties every single day.
And as people we are dreamers and we are chasers. We are hunters and we are losers. We are fighters and we are lovers.
But living in this world I think I understand a little bit better why it totally isn’t worth anything. To clarify, that’s not me saying I am a hopeless and suicidal individual. What I mean is, this place is not home. Nothing is secure, and anything can always be a problem. Even when you have great things in your life like a beautiful house, or priceless things such as a wonderful relationship or friendship, those things too are not constant because they can be taken away from you, they can leave you, or they will die.
Which is why I understand that surely the Hereafter is the place to be.
And for those of you that make it to Jannah, to Paradise, if you don’t see me, please ask Allah swt to take me to you… Honestly, I can’t stand the troubles of this life, let alone a blazing fire for an eternity…
It was narrated that Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever asks Allah for Paradise three times, Paradise will say, ‘O Allah, admit him to Paradise.’ Whoever seeks protection from the Fire three times, Hell will say, ‘O Allah, protect him from the Fire.’” [Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2572; Ibn Majah, 4340.]
And when I am going through my own trials and find it difficult to express the sadness of my own heart, I remember these verses:
Surah Ad-Dhuha, Verse 3:
مَا وَدَّعَكَ رَبُّكَ وَمَا قَلَىٰ
Thy Guardian-Lord hath not forsaken thee, nor is He displeased.
Surah Ad-Dhuha, Verse 4:
وَلَلْآخِرَةُ خَيْرٌ لَّكَ مِنَ الْأُولَىٰ
And verily the Hereafter will be better for thee than the present.
I then find myself immersed in what my Lord is telling me… And I am finally able to cry. So for as long as I need to, I will keep returning back to these words.
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