Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim
It’s been about 2 months since I’ve written anything for you guys, and despite all of this work I have due tomorrow, I think I’ll take some time out to speak to you guys tonight. I have been told by some people, that they miss my blogs, my posts, my statuses, and must I say, that I feel touched. I thank Allah swt for blessing me with such a wonderful audience, and it is thanks to you that a part of me can keep on going.
Now what’s happened to me? Well to put it simply, I’ve had ‘a lot going on’, to the point where I went in to hibernation- where I only spoke to the people I was with in college, (which isn’t like me at all), and my writers flare went on holiday. Even now, I am struggling to write. But I don’t wish to go in to what was happening, I wish to tell you how I feel now.
My friend, who’s also my carer, my well wisher, asked me yesterday, “Tas, how do you cope, being so young? You know you have a lot going on.” In all honesty, I don’t really feel as though I have a lot going on- I may say that I do, because logically speaking it is alot, but I don’t necessarily feel that way anymore. Despite everything, I feel happy, I smile, and it’s as genuine as it can get. I’m not sad anymore, I don’t feel that level of pain anymore, which led to my numbness, and I think I’m finally at the final stages of my recovery.
I suppose not writing was due to the numbness that I developed to cope with everything that was going on. My zeal for deen seemingly disintegrated because I felt as though I had just had enough. But I never lost hope. Even when I felt absolutely nothing for anything, I still remembered that Allah swt is taking care of me. He swt takes care of the millions and billions of processes that take place to keep me alive, he’s given me so much, so that I’m comfortable. So even when I became numb, I knew I’d be found again. Because regardless of what happens to me, Allah swt tests those that He swt loves.
Although it took me a while to get me to where I am right now, I never stopped believing that things will get better. It’s not that I am not upset about the things that have been happening, but I believe that Allah swt will and is already sorting out the affairs in my life.
So this is what I said in response to the question my friend had asked me, “You know, I don’t really think I’m me, without having a thousand things happening in my life- what’s important is despite it all, I’m still happy and able to smile”, and that in itself is a huge blessing from the One above. That peace and joy of contentment. Alhamdulillah.
Anyways, just thought I’d share that with you. Life isn’t easy you know, nor is it meant to ever be.
As salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.
I drew this sometime during last summer. The original picture was so beautiful, I believe it was a US soldier carrying a child who got caught up in the fighting, there was blood all over the child- the sketch isn’t finished either, but thought you’d appreciate what I’ve done so far. #Summer 2012~