Many a time in life, you will be faced with setbacks, whereby you will then need the time to recuperate, in order that you may get back on track again. Some times it can happen that there are various people, who end up pulling you in to that pitfall of ‘darkness’, (ahah, that’s such a kingdom hearts’ line), and you may not always know what to do from there on.
I personally believe that people who are trouble, steer clear away from them. It’s not that you’ll be rude to them, or that you’ll be making snide comments at them, rather there’s no point in being around those that just don’t mean well for you. Now I’m not saying this to mean that you ‘give up on people’. I’ve mentioned in an earlier post, that I am maternal, and therefore I feel a need to help everybody. But there will be people who come in to your life and just drain the living day light out of you. And where you see no progression, in any aspect of the friendship/relationship what is the point of you being there?
When I say progression, I think that it in itself can amount to very many things. It could be that you are trying to help develop their character, by maintaining a friendship and within that teach them the very many core concepts and ideas of Islam, or perhaps a friendship which may be less profound, but just as important in that you are their friend and you accompany them when you are together at work or in school and where it is possible you partake in various discussions for whenever you deem a topic fit to speak about. Friendships can come in very many shapes and forms. But what you do within those relationships can be different according to how you are as a person, as well as what stage the other person is in their life; and the way in which you deal with them, will very according to their personality, and believe me you’ll come across various types of people in the dawah, and each individual will be facing different issues, so it’s important that you understand clearly what the issues of the people are. I mean, if you don’t understand what the problem is, how can you go about solving it? Common sense is speaking here.
But if you can see these people are narrow-minded, where they see you as competition, where they are not giving your ideas leadership, by that I mean is in constant disagreement with you, and doesn’t necessarily take what you say seriously, to the point where you feel as though you have to prove yourself, (so as though you are speaking to the EDL or the BNP, ahah), then you can understand that you’re not going to get very far with this person. I watched a video last night, where Br Nouman Ali Khan gave his lecture on “Never give up hope”, and one of the things he said which I’d like to make mention of, is that no matter what, you constantly remind others with sincerity, because you don’t know that what you say with sincerity; sincere in that Allah swt will have inshAllah placed His barakah in your words; can at some point change a persons heart, which can lead him to changing as a whole. So you never give up on people.
But where things can get personal, catty, where you’re on a bout where you feel the need to constantly prove yourself, where these people don’t give you that leadership, and can actually hurt you a lot without realising, then you may have to stay away for a while. But don’t allow yourself to get personal. If you feel as though things are getting touchy, then get away from the situation, if you can’t, just force yourself to shut up. And you can tell when it is you’d feel that way, as particular emotions are on a high, and where what you say, comes from a completely emotional you, the chances are your mind will not be there, and you are off your scope of rationality. What that will lead to is regret, because you would have said things which would have done more harm than good.
Another point I’d like to make about somebody draining your energies, is just a way of looking at it. So you could be teaching your student some maths, and that would be the teachers input, i.e. teaching the maths; so lets say the student is nice, in that she laughs, and is a good student, so this persona of hers and therefore her character that comes out when she’s with her teacher, is the student’s input in the relationship, and this is completely regardless of whether or not the student ever does well, the point is the student inputting these actions in to the relationship ensures that she’s doing her bit to maintain the relationship, and likewise with the teacher with her teaching. Now if the teacher was doing her bit, and the student was really rude, showed that she didn’t care very much about her work, then quite naturally this will drain the energies of the teacher, as she is ‘inputting’, while this doesn’t at all ever reach a balance, because where she continues to input, the student just takes and takes and takes, and so doesn’t do her bit. And notice that the teacher isn’t becoming drained out because her student is not achieving the grades, she becomes drained out, because the student isn’t doing her bit to maintain the student-teacher relationship. We can apply this idea of ‘inputting’ to all the relationships we come to form in life.
Anyways, if I have any more ideas, I shall post them up for you inshAllah. Oh, in my title I’ve mentioned ‘carrier’. You have any idea as to what that means? I’m hoping this article gives you some insight as to what is I am referring to.
Okay, as salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.
Sweet dreams inshAllah.
Forgive me for any grammatical errors and/or spelling mistakes. I shall proofread it properly later inshAllah.